Week 09 - Coming in from the Start of 2021: Reflections & Intentions

February was my month of intentional reflection.

"You'd think that after (coming) 33 years, you would have some semblance of self put together." - that's what I told myself in the beginning of this year, right after my first consultation with a psychiatrically trained doctor. You'd think that after more than three decades worth of life, you would have some inkling of how things are going to go.

The truth is, I don't.

And that's because the act of being is still almost entirely foreign to me. Growing up and living in a society where actions are respected more than anything else, we often associate our identities with what we do:

• I'm a doctor.

• I'm an artist.

• I do project management.

• I fix digital interfaces.

• I drive tourists.

And yet, take that all away and what do we have? What is the essence of my being?

Who am I, essentially?

Such a common question, but with such a complicated answer. That is, if you assume that there's only one answer.

How do you feel when people ask you such questions with such intentions? If you’re comfortable, let me know in the comments!

"But Jo," you may start, "Self-actualisation is high level! Not everyone can afford to do it!"

True. However, let's shift the lens here. What happens if we can do it but choose NOT to? What happens if we actually can afford to get in tune with ourselves but decide that it's some woo-woo 1% nonsense and thus we should just forget about it?

The paradox of the universe tends to be this: The more you search for something, the more it will hide until you stop searching for it. Likewise, in order to help the people you want to help, the person you will need to help first and the most, is yourself.

Here's something I learnt during this month of asking the universe for help - Elevating your level of consciousness is bloody painful. Spiritual awakening is bloody painful. Think of it this way: When you exercise to get fitter, you are breaking down muscle to rebuild more defined muscles. Intuition and consciousness are similar - in order to be more in tune with who you are as a person, you might need to break down every level of your emotional and mental being, before you put the pieces back together again.

That means being vulnerable.

That means being exposed.

That means facing all of yourself without anywhere to run to for comfort or avoidance.

No wonder not everyone gets into this. Even though deep down, we know that we'll be in a better place. To add on, getting to the core of your being is not something you can achieve with a three-week retreat. It's a constant work-in-progress of deliberate intuitive practice, loving and accepting yourself as you are, and making peace with (or learning lessons from) your choices.

For me, just taking orders or listening to others and then passively going through the motions wasn't cutting it anymore. And I didn’t want to just go through the motions because it’s “what’s expected”. As much of a doer as I am, it can get really exhausting. So instead of thinking about who I am in terms of what I do, I slowly shifted to tuning into the energies of who I am when I can just be.

ENTER INTENTIONS

What do you think are the main differences between goals and intentions? Let me know in the comments!

“But aren’t intentions just goals?” - Fair enough. However, here’s food for thought:

Often, we try to find goals to achieve during the year - can be 10, 20, there’s even this goal-setting movement called the 10 x 10 - 10 goals for 10 aspects in your life. But what if that could be simplified with a little more digging and time with yourself? I learnt this from listening to the LITO podcast: When you shift from tactical goals to something more strategic - values or states of being you want to embody - your actions will feel the tug of your intentions.

Thus, my intentions for this year:

FOCUS - Living in a world of constant doing, it’s easy to get caught up with doing a lot just to “prove” that you deserve your place in the world. It’s also one of the fastest ways to burnout. Hence, I’m going to be taking long-overdue advice (and advice from some cards) to streamline my activities - what do I really want to be doing?

EMPOWERMENT - I found that on some level, I felt massive self-doubt and confidence in situations and abilities that boiled down to feeling incredibly susceptible to my circumstances and established systems. However, unless you take responsibility for your thoughts, for how you react to various situations, and accept that “walking away” is actually a choice, there will always be this feeling of disempowerment. And I hope to claw back that level of empowerment.

VITALITY - Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Many things have happened over 2020 and the first couple of months of 2021. If anything, it made sure of one thing - physical, mental, and emotional health do not exist in silos. An imbalance in one will affect everything else. Hence, the intention to take back some level of health - starting from the mental, emotional, and the physical will follow. At least a little.

Sounds like this year is going to be one of “taking back” for me - taking back identity, health, and just plain being.

I won’t say that I feel like I have everything in place, but this feels like a good start. And I hope I can share any form of progress later in the year. When you set your intentions for the year, quarter, month, week, or even day, how do you feel? Excited? Challenged?

Again, food for thought - I’ll see you all next week!

What’s an intention for the future you have? If you’re comfortable, share them in the comments! (You can use the comments as your platform to practice answering the question, “What do you want?” or “Who are you?”) ;)